Set the Goal. Then Let Me Take It Away.
He sat across from me in early January, shoulders tense, phone face-down on the table.
“I know what I want this year,” he said. “I just don’t know why I never stick to it.”
Classic New Year energy. Big goals. Bigger pressure.
So I asked him to tell me the goal. He did — ambitious, clear, meaningful. Perfect on paper.
Then I said something he didn’t expect.
“Good. Now we’re going to forget it.”
He laughed. Thought I was joking.
I wasn’t.
As a performance psychologist, I’ve seen this pattern hundreds of times. People don’t fail because the goal is wrong. They fail because the goal becomes the enemy. Every missed day feels like proof they’re not disciplined enough. One slip turns into all-or-nothing thinking. Momentum dies quietly.
So I explained it simply.
👉🏽“The goal’s job is direction,” I told him.
👉🏽“The process’s job is transformation.”
We parked the goal. No vision boards. No daily affirmations about the finish line. Instead, we zoomed in on behaviour.
“What does a person who achieves this do on a boring Tuesday?” I asked.
That question changed everything.
We stripped it down to daily actions so small they felt almost unimpressive. Not the perfect routine — just the repeatable one. No motivation required. No emotional hype.
➡️Some days he showed up strong.
➡️Some days he showed up tired.
➡️Some days he barely showed up at all.
And that was fine.
Because the rule wasn’t “be exceptional.”
The rule was “don’t break the process.”
By February, he noticed something interesting. The goal wasn’t driving him anymore — identity was. He stopped asking, “Am I getting there?” and started asking, “Did I do today’s action?”
That’s when New Year resolutions stop feeling fragile.
Most people try to change their life in a moment of inspiration. High performers change it through daily agreements with themselves.
I told him this before we finished our session:
“If you win today, you don’t need to worry about the year.
And if you trust the process, the goal has no choice but to follow.”
My opinion?
This is the missing piece every January needs.
✅Set the goal once.
✅Then let it go.
✅Focus on the daily process — small, consistent, human actions.
That’s not just how you achieve goals.
That’s how you become the person who always does.